Kids grow up learning from their parents not to talk to strangers.
Turns out, it’s a crucial skill once you’re an adult learning to navigate the workplace, says Esther Perel.
The psychotherapist, author, podcast host and speaker said talking to strangers is the No. 1 relationship skill Gen Z, in particular, should master before starting their first job.
“Talking to strangers is improvisation, spontaneity, serendipity, surprise, novelty [and] an active engagement with the unknown,” Perel told author and leadership expert Simon Sinek on a recent episode of his podcast, “A Bit of Optimism.”
Gen Z workers are credited with both killing office small talk and also oversharing with colleagues, depending on who you ask. They also self-report higher rates of social anxiety than other generations at their age, which could keep them from making small talk with strangers.
But active engagement with the unknown builds trust, which is crucial given that “entering the workplace is talking to strangers,” Perel said. “Any first job is a series of conversations with strangers without knowing what they really want from you.”
Talking to others and building trust, then, can help you learn to communicate and work on shared goals.
Talking with strangers is a ‘competitive advantage’
The best way to get better at talking to strangers is to practice, even if it’s uncomfortable, Perel said. Take moments in your routine to look up from your phone and engage with others, like when you’re waiting in line at the store or as you’re ordering your coffee.
Expect that it will be awkward and know that discomfort is “a part of life,” and “the only way you deal with it is by repeating until it becomes practice,” Perel said.
Another way to engage with new colleagues and build trust is to ask for help, Sinek previously said. It’s “a common misunderstanding” that asking for help makes you seem incompetent, but people are more inclined to trust you when you ask them for assistance, he said.
The internet, and Make It’s own reporting, has plenty of tips for getting better at small talk, from asking deeper questions to threading your responses with new information to keep conversation going.
Perel expects conversational skills to grow as a competitive advantage as AI becomes more prominent in how people interact at work. For example, people can use AI chatbots to write an apology, but it won’t mean anything if the person doesn’t experience any remorse or accountability to change how they relate to others.
“This is the competitive edge,” Perel said. “This is the stuff that people need a tremendous amount of help with.”