Some days, it can feel like your spirit is slowly being chipped away. You second-guess your instincts, overthink your emails, and start bracing yourself before every meeting. When you’re working under an authoritarian boss, even simple tasks can become emotionally exhausting.
Their need to control, criticise, and micromanage can drain your energy and cloud your sense of purpose or even identity. But even if leaving isn’t immediately possible, you can find ways to protect your professional integrity (and identity) and prepare for a future that feels more aligned. Surviving this kind of leadership challenge is not just about endurance—it’s about choosing small, deliberate actions that strengthen your autonomy without setting fire to the bridge behind you.
Seeing the Person Behind the Power
When someone leads through control and fear, it often says more about them than it does about you. Authoritarian leaders frequently operate from deep insecurity or an overwhelming need to appear infallible. Understanding that their behaviour is often rooted in personal anxiety can help you depersonalise the criticism. Instead of internalising every harsh comment, try reframing it as information about their inner world rather than a reflection of your worth.
You might even start anticipating their triggers. For example, if you know they lash out when they feel out of the loop, you could pre-emptively send brief status updates. Or, if you sense that their control intensifies when deadlines approach, you could proactively share timelines and ask, “Would you prefer weekly or midweek progress summaries?” Small tactical moves like these can defuse tension and limit micromanagement without compromising your independence.
Creating Breathing Room
When your day is overrun with interruptions, preserving pockets of uninterrupted time becomes essential. One way to do this is by scheduling focus blocks in your calendar and labelling them clearly—something like “drafting report for Friday” or “analysing client data.” This creates visibility around your workload and helps pre-empt sudden demands. You could also try framing availability in terms of efficiency. For example, say, “I find I work most effectively when I batch updates. Would it be helpful if I sent you a short summary every Thursday afternoon?” This kind of language reinforces that your boundary is not resistance but a thoughtful approach to delivering results.
If direct conversation feels too risky, you could start with subtle adjustments like sending calendar invites for prep time or setting your status to “do not disturb” during deep work periods. These are quiet signals, but over time, they can help reclaim some control over your workflow.
Building a Quiet Record of Strength
In an environment where criticism comes easily and credit is rare, you need your own system for acknowledging progress. Begin documenting your accomplishments regularly. You could keep a private folder with project milestones, emails that reflect positive feedback, or a log of successful outcomes. This doesn’t just prepare you for future reviews or job interviews. It gives you a sense of continuity and confidence on the days when morale dips.
You might also consider tracking challenges you’ve handled—things like managing difficult clients or streamlining a process despite unclear direction. Reflecting on what you’ve navigated under pressure helps remind you of your capability. Alongside that, lean into daily habits that keep your nervous system steady. You could take a five-minute walk after a tense meeting, start your morning with a grounding ritual, or pause for three deep breaths before replying to an inflammatory message. These tiny resets create just enough distance to keep you calm, clear, and in control of your reactions.
Finding the Right People to Talk To
You don’t have to face this experience in silence. Even if you can’t safely vent at work, look for safe outlets elsewhere. You could reach out to a mentor from a previous job and say, “Have you ever worked under someone who made it hard to breathe?” Or join an industry forum or professional group where leadership challenges are discussed more openly. Having a few trusted people who understand what you’re going through can be immensely grounding. They may not be able to fix the situation, but they might offer a new way of interpreting it, or remind you of how far you’ve come.
You could also think of this network as part of your long-term career plan. A single conversation with someone who knows your strengths might later turn into a referral, a collaboration, or even an escape route. The key is to keep those relationships warm, even if all you do is check in now and then or share an article that made you think of them.
Investing in Your Own Exit Strategy
Even if you plan to stay put for now, it’s worth thinking ahead. Use this time to build your runway. You could sign up for an online course that fills a gap in your skills, or schedule an hour every fortnight to quietly update your CV with current projects. If possible, start following organisations or leaders whose values better match your own and look for ways to engage with their content or events. When you receive vague or conflicting direction at work, treat it as a training ground for strategic communication.
Practise asking clarifying questions like, “Can I check what the priority is between these two tasks?” or, “Would you like that before the weekly meeting or after?” These skills not only help you survive—they make you sharper, more resourceful, and more prepared for leadership yourself. As you gather experience and build a record of how you’ve adapted under pressure, you’re quietly building a story that will serve you well when the right opportunity does come along.
Turning the Struggle Into Something Meaningful
It’s not easy to work under someone who sees control as competence or treats fear as a management tool. But every time you hold your ground with grace, every time you choose a thoughtful response over a reactive one, you are reinforcing a deeper kind of strength. These are the moments where your values sharpen and your future leadership style quietly takes shape. You are learning what kind of leader you never want to become—and what kind you could be, given the chance.
You don’t have to love where you are to grow where you are. With the right strategies, small acts of defiance (yes!) that honour your work ethic, and a steady focus on your future, it is possible to emerge from this chapter wiser, steadier, and more sure of yourself than ever before.